Hello and welcome to the Diary of a Sane Black Woman. I am Marie, your host. This is season two, episode eight. I've been meaning to record this episode since earlier this week, but I've been having a lot of challenges around the recording. Obviously, as many of you know, the listeners, you know that I am a targeted individual. And as a result, you know, the attacks have definitely escalated. And just for a quick update of what's been happening, so if any of you follow me on YouTube, you might notice that my page is not currently up. I'm actively working on trying to resolve that. However, I have not been able to do so because of you know bot nets and bot activity and just being constantly spammed, you know, my network, you know, is constantly being spammed my channel. And so to me, that's a hack. You know, people might say, those involved might say, well, you know, we didn't directly hack her account. But if you've been actively participating in monitoring me, if you've been actively participating and spamming me, if you've been actively participating and spamming my channel, my network, yeah, you you you hacked me. That is part of hacking. You're manipulating my system, you're monitoring me, everything that I do, and so that actually adversely affected my channel. Stay tuned for any updates. You all can follow me on Twitter as well. I don't remember the handle right now, but if you look up the diary of a sane black woman, you should see it there and it's verified, so you you'll be able to know which profile it is, and then also, and I'll probably come back and update the the notes on here so that you know exactly what handle it's under. But you know, I'll be probably as I try to resolve everything else, I'll probably be providing brief updates on there. So that being said, I just wanted to give that brief update, but I'm still here, I'm still standing. You know, I want to be optimistic. I know that, you know, that is part of you know my journey, my process, and I am truly putting everything in God's hands. I know that God is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that I can ask or think. And despite every attack, despite all of the challenges that I've been facing, I am truly trusting in God because I know how powerful He is. And so I I just I really, really want to put everything in God's hands. So as things continue to basically go on, one of the scriptures that God gave to me as encouragement is 2 Corinthians chapter 4. Pretty much I would say the whole chapter, but really I'm going to read from verse 8 and 9, and then from verse 16 to 18. So verse 8 says, We are afflicted in every way, but not constrained, perplexed, but not driven to despair, persecuted, but not abandoned, struck down, but not destroyed, always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our body. So that was actually verses eight through ten. Now verse sixteen says, Therefore we are not discouraged, rather, although our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this momentary light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to what is seen, but to what is unseen. For what is seen is transitory, but what is unseen is eternal. So that's really a great scripture when you're going through diverse trials, tribulations, oppression, persecution. This is a great reminder of what you have to look forward to. The other thing yesterday, actually, that God dropped in my spirit was actually I just opened it to that chapter, and I was really the story of Lazarus actually in John chapter 11 really resonated with me. And so sometimes, you know, we think that things are delayed, or you know, God is not answering us as soon or as quickly as we would like. And but God knows what he's doing sometimes. Things now, this doesn't mean that sometimes we don't cause our own delays. I I completely agree. Sometimes we are the cause of the delays, but I guess how this spoke to me just sort of I'm not gonna read the entire chapter, but the raising of Lazarus basically talks about a man who is sick, and then Mary and Martha, their sisters, they basically, you know, reached out to Jesus letting him know that you know their brother was sick and and so forth. And then Jesus knew that they were that the brother was sick, but he actually didn't go right away. I think he went, you know, on the journey like two days after. So by the time Jesus got there, Lazarus was already dead. And so, you know, Mary and Martha was like, Oh, you know, if you came sooner, you know, my brother wouldn't have died. And so what God said, what Jesus said actually here is it said, when Jesus heard this, because um it says, Master, I'm gonna read from chapter three, it says, So the sisters sent word to him saying, Master, the one you love is ill. When Jesus heard this, he said, The illness is not to end in death, but is for the glory of God, that the Son of God may be glorified through it. And just to do a quick parallel with the Second Corinthians chapter four, it also talks about death, but you know, spiritual death or death when God is basically pruning you and strengthen, strengthening your inner man. But this was an actual death, right? Lazarus died. So now chapter 5 says, Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So when he heard that he was ill, excuse me, so when he heard that he was ill, he remained for two days in the place where he was. Then after this, he said to his disciples, let us go back to Judea. So now, once Jesus got there, I'm just skipping, you know, a few verses if you want, you know, go back and read the full chapter. When he got there, it says, Our friend Lazarus is asleep, but I am going to awaken him, right? So basically, Lazarus died, and Mary, Martha said to Jesus, Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But even now, I know whatever you ask God, God will give you. So that's actually reassuring. That's showing you the faith that Martha had, right? Even though the brother was dead, and even though in one aspect, I guess she was kind of complaining and saying, Well, God, if you had acted sooner, you know, my brother wouldn't have died. You know, on the other hand, she's saying, I know whatever you ask uh God, you know, He can provide. So that's showing that Martha actually trusts Jesus, Jesus' ability to intercede for her, you know. And so Mary said the same thing, Lord, if you had been there, my brother would not have died. And so, and so now I'm gonna skip to verse 40, where Jesus is actually trying or is about to raise Lazarus from the dead. It says, Jesus said to to her, to Martha, Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God? So they took away the stone, and Jesus raised his eyes and said, Father, I thank you for hearing me. So raising his eyes, I believe he raised his eyes to the sky, looked at the sky or up on high, and basically that's Jesus speaking to his father. And then he said, I know that you always hear me, but because of the crowd here, I have said this, right? And so that they may believe that you sent me. And when he said this, he cried out in a loud voice, Lazarus, come out. The dead man came out, tied hand and foot with burial uh bands, and his face was wrapped in cloth. So Jesus said to them, Untie him and let him go. So there's a lot of things going on in that towards the end of the last few verses that I read. So first God, Jesus is basically demonstrating, you know, the relationship that he has with his father, that, you know, whatever he asks, God, God will provide, so that can actually strengthen the faith of those who are there. So there's the the faith component, trusting that God can do the impossible, that Jesus is able to intercede for us in whatever the cis situation is, no matter how dire it may be, right? Dire is my word, right? This is the diary of a sane black woman. And so trusting that you know God is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we can ask or think. So then the other thing that happens, right? So God speaks, right? When God created the the the world, right, when he created man, he spoke, right? If you go back to Genesis, you know, it's voice activated. The word of God is voice activated. So basically, God said, Lazarus, come out in a loud voice, right? That's why sometimes, yes, you I believe you can pray, you know, quietly and just you know, in your mind or whatever, but it's important to like speak the word of God out loud because it's actually voice activated. So I think that's also another aspect of you know that verse, verse 43. Then another thing that I noticed about this verse is that it said, the man came out, right? So sometimes to me, this is how I'm seeing it, this is the revelation that I got. Sometimes God's deliverance happens in stages. Sometimes it's not one big bang, you know, it's basically gradual, it's a process, right? So God spoke, asked Lazarus to come out, he came out, and then although Lazarus came out and was now he was dead, now he's alive, but he was still bound, right? He was still bound, he was wrapped, he was tied up. So, you know, I think that was the second stage of him being delivered, or you know, is God basically saying untie him. So I look at that as, you know, when we're being delivered, sometimes it's not just one stage, sometimes it's a gradual process. So we might be delivered in one aspect, but then there are other aspects that need to be, you know, dealt with. And so that's what we see here, and that's what actually I see in that scripture. And so what does this all mean? And how does this all relate to me and what I've been going through? Well, again, as I was saying, you know, this is just a reminder that God's timing is perfect, and so in this situation where you would think, like, if someone died, there's no hope, right? Like, okay, you didn't come when the person was sick, you didn't come to pray for him, or you didn't come to heal him, you came, but now he's dead. You know, there's no hope. So for me, that's like even when things seem dire, when things seem like there's no more hope, there's no, you know, there's nothing else that you can do, God will appear suddenly, and he will do, he will create or he will perform a great miracle. And so that's how this speaks to me, and that's how I see this scripture, right? And so, even when, you know, as it says in Habakkuk 2, that, you know, though it, you know, the vision is for an appointed time, though it tarries, you know, it will not delay, it will surely come. You know, I'm just paraphrasing here, I'm not reading it word for word, but you know, God's timing is perfect, and sometimes God takes longer, right? Just as Jesus, you know, he didn't leave right away on purpose because he was basically proving a point and he wanted to demonstrate God's glory, and he did it all for God's glory. And so, you know, sometimes situations may not basically turn out the way that we want, or they may not happen when we want them to happen, because God has a greater purpose in what he's doing, his purpose and his will is more perfect than ours. And so those were like the two scriptures, the past two days that God basically deposited on my spirit, you know, as a form of encouragement. So 2 Corinthians chapter 4, and then also John chapter 11, the story of uh Lazarus, basically raising Lazarus. The other thing that God had me meditate on, and I I meditated on this yesterday was the Our Father, you know, our Father who are in heaven, hallowed be thy name, right? Giving God the praises, thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. So I was meditating on God's will being done on earth as it is in heaven, right? Things happen in the spiritual realm first before they happen in the natural. Sometimes, speaking of delays, things are already answered in the spiritual realm, but sometimes there are things that cause obstruction, and sometimes it's not according to God's will, right? Sometimes it's a spiritual obstruction, spiritual warfare, someone else that's trying to block you, someone else that's trying to prevent you from going through the open doors that you know God has for you, the resources that God has for you. And then also it could be like natural obstruction, people doing things, so forth and so on. So basically, really God had me hone in on you know, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. And the other portion of the Our Father that I was really meditating on was forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. And so this brings me into the actual topic of this episode, which is forgiveness, right? So if you listen to episode seven, you'll see that I started a series on forgiveness, basically discussing the different aspects of forgiveness, what it is and what it isn't, right? And so episode eight was initially or intentionally, I I meant to really close out the series, you know, with three episodes. I'm probably now going to do a fourth one because today I don't think I'm going to go as deep as I wanted to go. This is a very impromptu recording, impromptu episode. I'm really flowing in the spirit right now, and I'm just, you know, because of the circumstances, uh, it's not going to be polished. And I said this in the beginning when I started this docuseries. It's not, you know, it's not about perfection. It's one about documenting, and it's, you know, basically sharing my thoughts and things like that. It is a diary, right? That being said, forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us, right? So, one key thing that God reminds us in the our Father is our ability to forgive others when others hurt us, when others do us wrong, right? Whether it's willingly, unwillingly, because sometimes we're offended and the person may not know that they offended us. They may not know that they hurt us, and then vice versa. Sometimes someone might be offended or hurt by us, and we're not aware that we hurt them. And so it's kind of like it goes both ways, but here God is basically saying, forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. So, what does that mean? Like, I mean, essentially what it means is like if you forgive, then you'll be forgiven. If you are gracious, like if you show grace and mercy to others, then God will show you grace and mercy. That's how I see it. That's what it is. I'm not like, you know, that's basically what the scripture says. Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. So I I've been, again, you know, I've asked before, like, God, you know, help me to really release any bitterness, any hurt that I may have in my heart from those who hurt me, from those who basically try to harm me on a daily basis, and I'm not perfect, right? I'm not perfect, and so sometimes we might still harbor unforgiveness and we are not aware of it, right? So I think what's important is to count on God, count on the Holy Spirit to basically work it out in us, right? We're working out our salvation daily, right? So God also said that the work that He started in us, He will complete it faithfully. And so I know that if my forgiveness isn't perfect, God is going to work it out in me. And so that's something that I'm also, you know, working on and asking God to really, really, you know, if there's any residue of unforgiveness, God, remove it from my heart. If there's any unresidue of unforgiveness, Lord, please remove it from my heart. I don't want to harbor any, you know, you know, unforgiveness in my heart against anyone, you know, any person that has done me wrong. You know, because it doesn't help you, right? It's not going to help you in any way, shape, or form. And then also, right, I also want to be forgiven as I forgive others, as I show mercy to others. But despite that, I also truly also believe in God's grace and mercy, right? God says where sin abounds, grace abounds even more. So on one hand, God is saying that, you know, forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us, but also we know that God does not treat us as our sins deserve, right? So there is grace and mercy, and that there's the righteousness of Jesus Christ, right? It's not because we're we're perfect, we're filthy rags before God, you know, we've all sin and fallen short of the glory of God, but you know, because of our faith in Christ Jesus, you know, we are righteous as a result. And what we couldn't fulfill, you know, through the law, or because we could not fulfill the law, Christ did it for us. He didn't come to abolish the law, he came to uphold it. And so that's that. But again, this is sort of like my segue into the continuation of the forgiveness series. Now, that being said, I'm going to do a quick recap of episode seven and six, where I also discussed forgiveness, right? And you know what forgiveness is. So basically, forgiveness is not a lack of accountability, right? Just because you forgive someone does not mean that you don't hold them accountable, right? It means that you don't harbor any, you know, hatred, any ill will towards that person. You basically release it to God, you allow God to do what he does. It also, and releasing it to the courts of heaven, which I mentioned in the previous episode, doesn't mean that you basically do nothing because the word of God also says faith without works is dead, right? And so, as led by the Holy Spirit, you act. And so, what is forgiveness, right? So, forgiveness is not just a word, right? It's a spiritual journey, as I mentioned, it's is it's it's a process, and accountability is actually its partner, it's not, you know, forgiveness doesn't necessarily mean accountability, it doesn't also mean the lack of accountability, right? So, you know, let's just also keep that in mind. And in episode one, I said that forgiveness is not like erasure, it's not enablement, it's not silence, you know, right? I continue to document my experience, right? This is something that I am facing on a daily basis, it's not, you know, something that happened in the past and I'm still basically, you know, talking about it. This is something that is, you know, I live this 24-7, right? 24-7. I'm asleep and I'm being watched, I'm being stalked, I'm being targeted even while I'm sleeping. Episode two looked into the tension of forgiving, you know, obviously while still being targeted, which I mentioned just now. Um, and then I spoke about Isaiah 59, right? Isaiah 59, if you read the scripture, it basically talks about, you know, God basically stepping in, right? Because this scripture talks about how when no one did what was right, God stepped in, right? God says vengeance is mine, and so God stepped in and he took charge and he basically took things, took matters in his hands. So great scripture, go back, listen to episode seven. If you want, look at Isaiah 59 so you can see exactly what I spoke about. But I just wanted to give like a quick recap, right, of the last two episodes. And then, so again, to me, forgiveness is not forgetting, it's not enabling, it's not predic, it's not pretending that you know things didn't happen or isn't happening. Forgiveness is a judicial release, right? And so I, you know, I say when I pray God, I release everyone who is attacking me, everyone who is basically targeting me in the freedom of my forgiveness. I forgive them for everything, every attack that they're doing. And forgiveness isn't, you know, the absence of boundaries, right? It's important to basically set certain boundaries so people don't continue to hurt you, whatever those boundaries may look like. And it's not weakness, it's it's not silence, as I mentioned, and it's not the end of accountability, as I've been mentioning before, it's the beginning of divine justice, and divine justice could look different for different situations, right? And if you listen to the our father, the our father says, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. So, first, when you release something to the courts in heaven, it has to it has to then manifest in the natural as well, right? Some way, somehow, whatever, however, God is judging the situation, whatever he's doing, things will eventually manifest in the natural. And so, you know, how does forgiveness show up in my life? You know, I've forgiven, I forgive every day, which is hard, especially the malicious attacks that I've endured on a daily basis, and it continues despite everything that you know I've been doing, documenting, you know, reporting it. And it's like even though I report it, these people they continue to harass me. It's like they they they have no fear, and it's not like me reporting it is trying to cause fear, it's I want them to stop, right? But it's like they I don't know. I feel like they they I don't know. I feel like uh you have to be. Be very the level of attacks that I'm getting. I think someone has to be really have that person has to have to be very hateful to launch such an attack against you know an individual, and again, it's coordinated, it's not one person, it's not a few people, ladies and gentlemen. This is a network of people, it's a network of people across the board globally, everywhere I go, and you know, everything I do, they are trying to obstruct, they are sending people to follow me everywhere I go. Um, I mentioned it before I go somewhere, they'll text someone, okay, she's there, or if the person doesn't know me, then you know it'll trigger a message to someone, you know, a malicious message, things that is not coming from me, but these people are getting these messages and they they are basically following me around. So, you know, I basically say this to say that it's tough, it's very tough. It's this is not for the faint of heart. I mean, I look, I would not still be here if it wasn't for God. Um I think a lot of people would have basically given up had they been under such a malicious campaign. And so, you know, I'm just saying this, you know, forgiveness doesn't mean a lack of accountability, right? It doesn't mean that I stop documenting, speaking out, right? Again, my YouTube channel was targeted, but you know, I think that God works all things together for my good, regardless of what's happening. God has a greater purpose, God is going to basically give me double for my trouble. That's what that's what God says, that's what his word says. And, you know, despite everything, despite the persecution, you know, I'm still here. I'm still here, and I'm still moving on. And accountability, I just want to say one thing. Accountability doesn't mean that you're a rat or you're a snitch. Two things happen as I was recording this. One, again, the power surges, and even like whatever devices that they're using to try to eavesdrop or you know, to try to tap into my device or network, like sometimes I can actually hear it, like it I can feel it. So I mean it it triggered something, and sometimes it might be automatic because there's like a botnet, right? So, meaning things happen automatically because it's set to happen automatically. Um, some but a lot of times, you know, it's triggered because human agents are actually facilitating the botnet. That being said, one of my neighbors had their toddler come to the balcony to scream out at least what I believe. And if I'm wrong, my bad, if I'm wrong. But what I thought I was hearing was ratatouille, ratatouille, and if anyone knows that movie, ratatouille is a rat. And so essentially, I think subliminal, right? Subliminal harassment, calling me a rat because I am reporting what has been happening. Holding someone accountable for harassing, stalking, spying on you, you know, disseminating obscene things, facilitating the dissemination of obscene things, reporting that and and holding those uh who are involved accountable is not a rat. I'm not part of an organized crime family, I'm not part of an organized group. I didn't take a vow or an oath to secrecy or to not say anything. So I'm not a rat or a snitch. I think, you know, if you're gonna use street talk, know what a rat and a snitch really means. You attack me continuously, right? I've been very patient. I've been very patient throughout this entire process, you know, but the attacks have continued. I've never, you know, I've made previous reports and I've been very generic about it. Just said, okay, this is what's happening. I haven't, you know, provided any names or any specifics, but this continues. The attacks continue. And you might say, well, I'm I didn't start this or I didn't launch the direct attack, but you uh, and when I say you, certain individuals actively target me on a daily basis. Like some of them, again, I've mentioned before, they don't go to sleep. You know, the minute I turn on my computer, they're there, they're trying to, you know, trigger things to monitor, to surveil me, to transfer information over, to disseminate it, whatever it is that they're doing. So you are actively facilitating, you're an accomplice. You know, if someone robs a bank and you're there in the car waiting for the person to come out and you didn't directly rob the bank, but you were there to help that person get away, you you will also get arrested for that. Or if you go, you have someone on a on watch out basically saying, Oh, okay, I'll let you know if someone's coming while you rob the bank. You are an accomplice. You are actively cooperating with someone to basically launch attacks against me. You are just as bad. You are just as bad. So, yeah, me reporting what's happening to me, the dire situation that I'm in does not make me a rat. And shame on you again for trying to use your toddler to harass me. You think you're so bold, but you don't have, I guess, you know, enough courage to say it yourself that you would have your toddler say it, right? If you're so bold, why don't you say it yourself? Right? So that's that. But water under the bridge, I release that person, I forgive them for what they have done, but I wanted to just point that out that this happened while I was recording. And so I think that is all for today. I wanted to really dive deeper into forgiveness versus accountability, but I think I'm going to keep this. This is even this isn't even that short, actually. But I think I'm gonna end here. I'm definitely gonna do a part four of forgiveness because again, forgiveness is a process, and releasing it to the courts of heaven is also part of that process. Trusting in God, yielding, right? Again, pray the pray framework, praise, repent, ask, and yield. And again, yielding to God, yielding things to the courts of heaven doesn't mean that you know there's inaction on your part, right? So that's it for today. This was really an impromptu episode. Sorry if it's not as smooth, and even though, like, I'm not saying that my other episodes are smooth, but I think they're probably better. The flow is probably usually better, just because you know, the circumstances, even though you know, my circumstance has been, you know, under surveillance and targeting, but you know, things have been very different, so even like the the sound might not be as good. I don't know how the sound is gonna come through, but just be patient with me. Thank you for listening. This is the diarie of a sane black woman again. My YouTube page has been taken down because of all of the spamming and the bot activity that's been happening, you know, because my account has been a target, and so yeah, I consider that hacking and the fact that I'm not even able to access my account because of bot activity or unusual activity is also a form of hacking, right? Hacking doesn't necessarily mean someone physically logging in and you know taking your account down. It's you know, if you're using code to basically adversely affect my profile, my account, you know, servers, things of that nature, my devices, that is a form of hacking. That is still hacking, and if you're facilitating it, you're getting direction, you're calling people to for them to tell you what to do in order for you to obstruct whatever it is that I'm trying to do, even if I'm, for example, even trying to set up a new device, you're trying to interfere with that, that is still hacking, even if you're not directly doing it. Again, if we go back to the robber and person in the car situation, okay. So, in any event, please be patient while I try to work on you know resolving that. But again, this podcast is available on all major podcast platforms, so you can definitely listen there. Follow me on Twitter or X, I think it's called X now. It's uh the handle, the actual handle is at the dire re O A S B W. Right? So it's T H E D I R E R I E O A S B W. And that's the handle, but the name is again the diary of a sane black woman, so you can find it either way, and it's a verified account, so you'll know exactly you know which account it is, and I'll provide updates there. In the meantime, if you're going through a similar situation, I definitely feel you, I empathize with you, and you know, I'm praying for you. Uh pray for me. And if you're an expert out there that is listening and you have resources or knowledge of how you can help, please reach out. I'm open to basically getting help, any help that I can get in this situation. This is the diary of a same black woman. This is Marie, your host. Thank you for listening. And thank you, Lord. I thank you for yet another episode. See you all soon.