Marie Destinee a La Grandeur: 0:32

Hi everyone, I'm Marie. Welcome back to the Dire-Rie of a Sane Black Woman where privacy becomes fiction and safety an illusion. This series stands as both documentation and resistance, a refusal to be silenced despite overwhelming odds. Today, we will be looking into the intersections of healing, justice and truth, because healing isn't just a shortcut, it's a journey, and it starts with truth. So what are we talking about here? So we're essentially talking about the ways mental health support, spiritual healing and justice all play a role in the victim's recovery from trauma. And so here's the catch, right. None of them can replace the other. It's not either, or it's, it's both, and in some cases it's all three, right? Um? So we're looking at it from a holistic standpoint. It's about incorporating all three, and so, therefore, therapy isn't a shortcut to justice. Essentially, spiritual healing isn't a substitute for accountability, and justice alone doesn't heal the soul, because you can't heal while you're still bleeding. That's the reality for victims of abuse, harassment and trauma, especially when systems offer therapy as a substitute for justice. In my case, that has been my experience and I've basically said this to therapists verbatim to authorities look, how can I heal if I'm still being stabbed constantly? I'm still bleeding. How am I going to heal, right, and so let's get into it.

Marie Destinee a La Grandeur: 2:30

So in this first segment, I want to look at mental health and how mental health is not a substitute for justice. So let's start with the mental health piece, right? So therapy is powerful, right? I applaud therapy. I have gone to therapy before and you know therapy should definitely not be stigmatized. You know, getting mental health is not, it's not bad, right, but it's the way that we go about it. So therapy basically gives us tools to cope with what we're going through, right, to process what we're going through and to survive. But, most importantly, we're going through right, to process what we're going through and to survive, but most importantly, to heal, hopefully, right. That is the ultimate goal.

Marie Destinee a La Grandeur: 3:19

But too often, especially in cases of abuse or harassment like cyber stalking, cyber harassment, so forth and so on, therapy is offered as a way to check a box, right? So authorities, institutions and even well-meaning people will say you should talk to someone, and then they walk away, as if that's the end of their responsibility or the story, right? As if therapy is going to make all of this go away. The cyber stalking is automatically going to stop, the harassment is going to stop. It's not. Here's the truth. You can't heal while you're still bleeding, right? I just said that. And if the abuse is ongoing, therapy becomes a coping mechanism, which is good. I think that we do need to cope with what we're going through. Right For me, I've used therapy, as well as my spirituality, as a coping mechanism, but while I'm going through what I'm going through, it's not a path to my healing, it's just a coping mechanism in this juncture or in this phase of the process.

Marie Destinee a La Grandeur: 4:31

Right, I'm not necessarily getting over anything, right? I'm just trying to stay afloat at this point. And so, when systems use therapy as a way to essentially avoid accountability, it feels like emotional gaslighting, right, like your pain is being redirected inward instead of being addressed outward, and so you know. I just want to, for a brief moment, reflect on myself and the things that I have done, basically to help myself in the situation that I'm currently faced with. You may be asking well, marie, have you gone to therapy? Absolutely, I've gone to therapy. I've gone to a few therapists. Am I still in therapy? No, do I want to go to therapy? Yes, but here's the thing While I have gone to therapy on numerous occasions and I did I did hit some, some roadblocks, and so the first roadblock for me was the privacy piece, right, so I'm someone that is being digitally stalked, right?

Marie Destinee a La Grandeur: 5:40

Cyber harassed, cyber stalked everywhere I go, it doesn't matter where I go, they're there in some way they're tapping into that network to basically stalk me, and so, to no fault of the therapist, somehow my therapy sessions slash topics of discussion were getting leaked, and I've actually experienced that in my spiritual sessions with my spiritual leaders, whether it be pastors or you know whoever you know I'm seeking at that point in time. And so, in my experience, um, at the time when I was going to therapy a couple of years ago, um, I would go into class. Um, it's I think it's been a year plus and it's not two years yet. I'm going to class and have the students. The students would basically be making subliminal comments or ask questions hinting to subjects and topics that I discussed in my sessions, and so imagine how would that make me feel. Or, if you were in my shoes, like, how would you feel about that? Right, um, therapy confession. These are some of the most sacred um things or spaces that we're in where someone should feel like they could be vulnerable, right, completely vulnerable. And if there are people spying on your sessions or leaking info to third parties, it makes it really hard to dive deep and talk about what really has been going on, how you're feeling and essentially tapping into the deeper feelings or the deeper experiences that you had throughout your lifetime, you know, and basically uncovering those things so that you know the therapist can help you have a significant breakthrough in your healing process.

Marie Destinee a La Grandeur: 7:40

So my first roadblock, as I mentioned, was the privacy issue. Right, and again, to no fault of the therapist, it was just basically the cyber stalkers. And so, despite that, I wanted to continue. I wanted to continue on my therapy journey and so I continued to go and we tried different things. You know, we would leave my phone and her phone out of the session. Her laptop and everything would be. You know would go to the front room just to kind of, you know, like an extra step, to try to make sure that maybe no one is listening, that they're not tapping into our devices. You know, regardless of all those steps, somehow they were still hacking into our sessions and these were live sessions, right, because I was so conscious about what was going on, I made sure that I went in person, you know, for my sessions. But um, with that being said, you know, the spying and the stalking continue. Now this brings me to the second roadblock.

Marie Destinee a La Grandeur: 8:49

My second roadblock was that my therapist seemed to be questioning my reality, right? So maybe I want to say, a few months into it, maybe four or three months, maybe four, about six months into our sessions, she actually was questioning whether, well, you know some of the things you're saying, I'm not kind of. You know, I can't really make sense out of what you're saying. I can't put the pieces together. You know, are these things really happening to you? Am I imagining them all? You know the spying, the subliminal and explicit harassment, you know, just to name a few.

Marie Destinee a La Grandeur: 9:34

So, essentially, at that point I didn't feel like I could continue, right? So the one thing that you're looking for from your therapist is validation. You're looking for someone that actually believes what you're saying. I'm not saying that a therapist should condone hallucination or delusion. However, you know, in my case I feel like I wanted someone first.

Marie Destinee a La Grandeur: 9:59

My first step was privacy. Second step was to find someone that actually understood where I was coming from and that believed my truth and my reality. So I didn't feel like she could help me heal, because she didn't understand my experience and she didn't believe what I was going through. So, for me, that was a roadblock and so I could not continue. And so, um, and I know, and everyone else out there, especially the ones that are in the groups, in the group chats or the ones that are sending the subliminal messages, the ones that are posting online, because this situation has gone viral, right, you know I'm not hallucinating, you know I'm not delusional, you know I'm being stalked.

Marie Destinee a La Grandeur: 10:57

So, for me, my experience, um, I could not continue, you know, to see this therapist because, um, there was a disconnect, right, and so I obviously I'm not going to convince her to believe me, but I also need to be in a place where my truth is being accepted and validated. So, um, with that being said, you know I tried, I already had some therapy books and, like you know, that basically gives you, um, like coping mechanisms and things of that nature. And then also, I have, you know, my prayer life and my spiritual life, which also was helping me, um, cope through, but you know not to say that that's a substitute to therapy. So I was still, I was still interested in therapy, not necessarily to heal from the process because I was still going through it, but to cope with the process and then to also address, maybe, like past traumas and things like that, because, um, you know, it's all connected, I believe. And so a few months down the line, um, I did find a therapist, um that actually dealt with um, her specialty, and um, the, the, the website that I found. They actually specialize um in um, basically uh, healing or um doing sessions with the victims of cyber abuse and harassment, and so for me that was actually key and um, so I had one session with her. It was sort of like a test session, but unfortunately I was unable to continue due to the privacy concerns because she was only virtual right. So in that instance I would only be able to meet with her either over the phone or Zoom. So I had to put that on pause for the time being.

Marie Destinee a La Grandeur: 12:48

And so, you know, that was kind of like um, the, the steps that I personally took, I voluntarily took to actually seek, um, you know, help or you know, seek a therapist to kind of help me cope with what I was going through. Now, that's not to say that's the only time that I've been to therapy. I've been to therapy before for other things, but you know, for this particular situation these were the two instances that you know I actually, you know, went to therapy and you know I sought out a therapist. So now this, you know, as I said, this was me seeking mental health services on my own. But now, like, let's fast forward to mental health services or therapists being recommended to me by authorities or you know the powers. That be right. So let's start off with my university.

Marie Destinee a La Grandeur: 13:46

So in the previous session I mentioned how I was in a master's program, I was getting my second master's at a pretty prestigious university in New York and, um, you know I had raised concerns to the university about what was going on. Um, I also raised concerns to the police at the time where I lived on the East Coast I'm now on the West Coast they all referred me to therapy and when I brought up my situation, when I made complaints formal complaints, formal complaints and the therapist and the therapy that my university recommended, at first I was a little apprehensive and I even told the therapist that a few of them called and I was just like look, let's address the situation, like you're not even looking into the situation and you're just by default, recommending me to therapy. Like you know that that did not make any sense to me. Um, eventually, I would say, maybe two or three months down the line, as a formality, I did go to a couple of sessions, um, but also noticed that, you know, that was it right for them, that was the check in the uh, you know, in the box. That was just like, okay, we did what we needed to do and they didn't do anything beyond that, right, so, not even a visit to our virtual class to observe and see what was going on, um, with what I was reporting.

Marie Destinee a La Grandeur: 15:27

Now, that's not to say I just want to make this clear that's not to say that, um, the students, they're the ones who basically started the whole thing, but they were definitely involved in the cyber stalking and harassment right. They would basically be sharing zoom screens and things like that of of messages or information that they were downloading or information that they were downloading, and this whole cyber stalking situation kind of magnified and started basically snowballing during that program and there were some key individuals that actually caused it to explode and snowball. So, you know, there is some accountability on their part too. So, but that's not to say they're the ones that started it. Just, I just want to make that clear. So that was that. So I just kind of felt, um, to be honest, I was just, um, I don't want to say defeated, but I just felt like, you know, they were not in my corner. They were not in my corner, the, the professors weren't in my corner, the Dean, um, you know, you name it, they were not in my corner. They were basically looking out for their best interests and, um, obviously, they didn't want to give the program a bad name. It was a very new program, right, and so, um, in my opinion, I don't think they wanted to kind of ruffle feathers or, you know, add any friction, but you know, the easiest way to do that was basically to refer me to therapy, um, and that's just. You know, my, my, my perspective on things.

Marie Destinee a La Grandeur: 17:06

Now, you know, the police station of where I previously lived on the east coast, um, you know, I've gone to their prison a couple of times and then, the last time, I think that I had reached out where it was more of like a formal complaint about, like, what was going on. You know, the officers did follow up and said, well, we're going to send someone you know to speak with you at your house. You know they specialize in this kind of things and I was thinking, okay, it was going to be, like, you know, a detective or whatever they had mentioned it would be. But then it turns out there were two officers actually that came um to my old location and a mental health specialist, right, and so the the officers were just there for protocol. Um, they were there. Basically, obviously they're sending someone to my home. They don't know me, so that was just like protocol.

Marie Destinee a La Grandeur: 18:06

And then the uh, the wellness person. It was like a wellness check and, you know, he basically asked me a few questions and he did basically a formal evaluation and observation during the visit and also a review of my medical history from basically contacting um the necessary parties. And so the the whole mental health crisis that they were trying to pin on me wasn't plausible, right, it wasn't, it didn't exist. This was basically them trying to um, find a reason for you know what I was reporting and not deal with it. So they basically uh, the, the mental health professional basically said you're all clear, I don't see any signs of like mental illness or like any crisis or anything like that. And so, um, you know he went home, they went their merry way, and so you know that was that. And then you know he went home, they went their merry way, and so you know that was that. And then you know I didn't hear from them from that point.

Marie Destinee a La Grandeur: 19:18

And then fast forward to where I live now. Um, I've had a few um, I've contacted the police a few times. The police station referred me to the FBI because they have, the FBI actually has a special unit that deals with cybersecurity. But what I found is that that cybersecurity unit, really I want to say that it pertains more to businesses rather than individuals, and then the instances where it might deal with an individual, it's just only for specific cases, it's not for like out of the box cases, or you know, if you have like an other situation, right, have like an other situation Right.

Marie Destinee a La Grandeur: 20:15

And so basically, I was at a point where this this station they referred me to the FBI and the FBI referred me back to the police station, and so then they called me back, we spoke, and then, you know, they essentially said, well, you know, do you need to speak to someone? And so forth, and so on, and I was just like, look, I'm fine, I think you know not to dismiss therapy, but I just feel that you know this situation needs to be addressed above anything else, versus, you know, before I can actually seek therapy. And he was just like oh no, no, no, I just want to make sure that I'm giving you all the options and things like that. So that was that, and then fast forward. Maybe a month or two later, I actually went to the actual station and um filed a formal uh report and I submitted it. And then, um, the person I spoke to at that time said okay, someone will be calling you either tomorrow or in early next week, basically to speak to you. They specialize in cases like yours and they can. Basically, they might have more tools to look into.

Marie Destinee a La Grandeur: 21:24

Um, what were what I I was actually facing in terms of the cyber harassment and the stalking, because, you know, to be honest, the police stations aren't really equipped to deal with cyber um situations. They just don't have the necessary tools. Um, it's and it's sad. Um, hopefully, um, we get to a point where you know they, they, they, they catch up, um, but that being said, um, I think it was, I don't know, I I'm not sure, I can't remember if it was the next day or maybe two days later, someone did call me, but it was a therapist and I was just in my mind I was like, okay, here we go again.

Marie Destinee a La Grandeur: 22:05

So you know, I didn't say that to the therapist, but it was just kind of like, okay, how are you I'm calling you know, um, you know, from the police station is everything okay? And you know, and I was just like, yeah, and I was, um, basically telling her that you know, I thought someone else was going to be calling me because, while I think therapy is important, but we can't skip steps right, therapy doesn't replace accountability or looking into the issue that is actually happening to me, right Of what I'm experiencing. And you know, after speaking to her, she was like, okay, you know, you sound very lovely and you know I agree. You know, um, you, you sound very lovely and you know I agree. And, um, and she also mentioned that I didn't display any signs of mental illness. And this is not to say that, if you know, I was mentally ill, that there would be like there's something wrong with that, with people that are mentally ill, but you can't just try to pin that on someone because they're voicing their concern about something that they're experiencing. So that's my whole thing, right? And just going to therapy doesn't mean that something's wrong with you either. So you know, I just want to make that clear.

Marie Destinee a La Grandeur: 23:24

She did also say that she could appreciate my perspective and of wanting to stop the bleeding, because I also gave her that example of stopping the bleeding first before healing. And, um, she said she would, you know, she would let, uh, you know the the, the person that recommended her, like she would speak to them. Now, she was from the actual police station. She was like a therapist that works at the police station. But you know, she said she would, you know, speak to them. But you know, I didn't hear back Crickets. I heard crickets. So here we are.

Marie Destinee a La Grandeur: 24:01

So I'm just here to say that mental health is so important. It is really important. Even when you're not in a crisis, mental health support is important, really important. Even when you're not in a crisis, mental health support is important, right? We have so many things that we go through in life, just like your basic day-to-day things. I think mental health support is a tool, but it doesn't replace certain things. It definitely does not equal justice and it doesn't replace it right? So, while mental health care is essential, it cannot replace accountability or justice. So just want to say that, um, I think therapy, again, is important. It helps victims cope. It doesn't. It doesn't erase the harm right, or it doesn't hold perpetrators responsible responsible. It can help you heal from the harm, but it won't erase it. Now, authorities and institutions must not use mental health referrals as a checkbox solution to avoid deeper systemic responsibility. Deeper systemic responsibility. This is my hope that they start to take certain things more seriously, as opposed to basically using that as a default. So here we see that justice and healing is something that should work together and it's not something that should basically replace each other.

Marie Destinee a La Grandeur: 25:37

Healing is definitely not possible in isolation, especially when harm is ongoing. Justice, I believe, validates the victim's experience. It essentially interrupts the cycle of abuse and creates a space for real recovery. So when victims are still being harassed for example, cyber stalking, harassment you know people hacking into your system, people following you, things of that nature Therapy becomes a survival tool. Right, it's not. You're not in your healing process yet. Right, you're still coping with. You know what you're actually experiencing. So real healing requires number one validation. Right, people have to believe you. They have to believe your truth, your reality, um, right, and we see that was not happening in the instances that I um, provided the examples of. You know, whether it was university, you know, my therapist that I was seeing before even the authorities, because you know they weren't looking into it, or there was really no real follow-up.

Marie Destinee a La Grandeur: 26:44

You know, I also believe that it requires someone saying what happened to you was wrong and we're going to do something about it. And you know, I feel like I kind of heard that before but it's, it was just kind of lip service. It wasn't really that we were really going to do something about it. Because I know, when I went to the police station, they said that, well, we will drive around, you know, from time to time and see if we notice anything suspicious, we'll drive around. I don't know if they have, and if they have, because I know that I did witness, at least on two occasions, what I thought was probably an undercover officer, and then another instance where it was just a, you know, a regular police um, car, vehicle, um, but I don't know if it was, if it pertained to my situation or if it was someone that was basically um, as you would say, swatting them into coming into the uh complex and basically making a false claim or complaint about me because they sent some malicious information to the, to the police. You know, I don't know, so, um, who knows? So, um.

Marie Destinee a La Grandeur: 28:01

With that being said, um, I believe that true justice where you know there, there is where you have like an actual follow-up, um, interrupts the cycle of harm, it tells the victim that you're not alone and you're not crazy, right, um and uh. You know, um and uh. You know, when justice is absent, therapy can can feel hollow, like you're being asked to make peace with something that's still hurting you, um. So I think we need to really kind of take a step back and really look and and I'm saying we, you know, as a, as a people, as um, just like our, our, the systems that we have in place we need to reevaluate how we deal with with certain situations Now. Now, what's the danger of dismissal, right, aside from me, still like, okay, the victim will still experience whatever they're experiencing, right, and then, and it's not just the experience, it's also the harm that's being done, right, it's one thing if you're experiencing these things, but there are, there are symptoms, right, um, of how these things are, you know, harm, uh, victims.

Marie Destinee a La Grandeur: 29:16

Basically the dangers of dismissal, aside from like the, from the obvious harm that it does to the victim is that it's essentially basically referring victims to therapy without addressing the abuse is a form of institutional gaslighting, right, basically, you're gaslighting the victim. So now, not only do you have the harassers, the stalkers gaslighting the victim, now you have the systems that were supposed to be in place to protect the victim is now actually part of the gaslighting, and so it also now shifts the burden of resolution onto the victim, while abusers remain unchecked, right. And so basically, it's kind of like, okay, you go to therapy, and so that should either make everything okay, or now the victim feels like, well, okay, now I have to try to basically uh, deal with this situation or fix it on my own, because I don't have the necessary support. And then, um, also, um, this approach of like, uh, being dismissive, um, can re-traumatize the survivor, making them feel unheard and unsafe. So like, yeah, it's like I'm being re-traumatized because now you're basically um, now you're basically um, you're, you're not, you're not believing me, You're, you're, you're, you're ignoring my complaints and you're referring me to therapy and basically, you're not validating my truth. And so, yeah, it's, it's, it's, it's traumatizing, um, all over again. It's just like re-traumatizing the person. And so you know, as I said before, you can't heal while you're still bleeding.

Marie Destinee a La Grandeur: 31:10

So trying to heal while the abuse continues is like basically putting a bandage on a wound that's still being cut open. So I mean that's still being cut open. So I mean you know, we need to do better as a society, we need to do better. So therapy in this context is about coping, not closure. Right? So in the context where this situation is ongoing it hasn't stopped, it hasn't been checked therapy would be a coping mechanism. In a perfect situation where maybe I felt safe to go to therapy, where I felt like my sessions wouldn't be spied on and where I had a therapist that actually validated my experience, you know, I would still be coping unless we had authorities step in and hold the perpetrators accountable. Right? So there's still not closure there and real healing begins when the source of harm is removed or confronted. Right?

Marie Destinee a La Grandeur: 32:20

So if we're looking at the bandage and the wound that's still being cut open, I mean, how can you heal, even with a bandaid, if you're still that wound is still being cut open, right? So as long as that wound is still being cut open, there is no way that you can heal from that, you know. So that is key, you know. That is the key image that you need to keep, um, you know, in your mind is that? Imagine someone that is that has a wound that is being cut open and they're telling them put this bandaid on, I have a bandaid for you. But then, you know, you're constantly being stabbed, your wound is constantly being opened. How can you heal from that? And how is that a solution? Take the knife from the person that's stabbing me, or the people that are stabbing me first, and then maybe the, the, the bandaid will help me heal, you know.

Marie Destinee a La Grandeur: 33:21

So, with that being said, I want to shift gears and, um, take a look at the role that spiritual, um, the spirituality, plays in healing and deliverance, in in, um, you know, in a situation like this. And so, um, again, I think you know there are three aspects to it there's the spiritual, there's the mental health aspect, and then there's also, um, again, I think you know there are three aspects to it there is the spiritual, there's the mental health aspect, and then there's also the justice aspect, right, and again, I feel like all three work hand in hand. So if we're looking at the spiritual realm, sometimes what may present itself as a mental health issue could actually be a spiritual issue. And you know, I've actually seen this in real life, just, you know, going to churches where they've had like deliverance sessions where someone was basically tormented and they thought, you know, their parents thought maybe they had like some type of mental health situation or they had like a severe form of depression or what have you, and they were actually delivered from that instantly through spiritual deliverance and healing, instantly through spiritual deliverance and healing. So sometimes you have situations where there is like a mental health presenting symptom that is actually spiritual. That's not to say that. You know, sometimes you might have both right you might have. There might be aspects of mental health that needs to be addressed as well as spiritual.

Marie Destinee a La Grandeur: 35:09

Again, it's not saying that one replaces the other, but it's good to you know anyone that is a good spiritualist or and I just use that word loosely you know that could be your pastor, your priest, you know, or whomever. Um, and then you know they work hand in hand, right? Um, I've read books on exorcisms and the, the the priest says that a good exorcist always works with a therapist, because sometimes you know, what you think is a demon is actually, um, some type of mental uh situation or sickness that the person has. And then sometimes what you think is a mental uh illness is actually a demon, illness is actually a demon. And so they have things that they do to basically evaluate the person, to determine whether or not you know it's actually a mental illness or if the person is actually possessed by a demon. So you know, here we see that trauma isn't just psychological, it's spiritual, and so it's good to know what you're dealing with.

Marie Destinee a La Grandeur: 36:31

But it's also good to know that you can't replace one with the other. So this, I believe, shakes our sense of meaning and our connection to something greater, right, our soul. So spiritual healing, whether through prayer, meditation or deliverance, can be deeply transformative. But again, it's not a replacement, it's a compliment. And so you know I already mentioned, you know, the case of, like you know, the exorcist, me going to deliverance services and seeing people healed instantly, spiritually right, people that were thought to have mental health issues. And so you know, I think that's very important.

Marie Destinee a La Grandeur: 37:16

So we need discernment, we need to, we need the collaboration piece where these different um professionals whether it be the therapist, um, you know, your, your spiritual leader, your, your, your, your priest, your, your pastor, working together with the therapist and even probably working together with with the authorities, right With the police, with the FBI, um, to see exactly what's going on, to determine, you know, okay, the therapist says that this person is saying, the priest is saying, this person is saying, while there might be some a spiritual component on, you know, in the situation, that does not dismiss the fact that you know this person is actually experiencing what they say, that they're experiencing and you know that, yeah, they're being cyber stalked, yeah, they're being harassed. You know regardless, right? Imagine, let's just say, let's just say that the people that evaluated me determined that I had a mental illness and I was still going through what I was going through. I was still being harassed, right, and I was still being cyber-stalked. That shouldn't the fact that, even if I was diagnosed with a mental illness, should not dismiss the fact that I'm being cyber-stalked or harassed. Those are two different things, right? Someone that's mentally ill can still be cyber stalked and cyber harassed, so that's another thing that we need to look at. So we really need to stop pretending that one form of healing can do it all, or that it's either or or, that you know, you know someone that's mentally ill can still be abused, can still be harassed, can still be vulnerable, can still have people, um, you know, um exploit them and and and things of that nature. Yeah, I mean, I think that that that's a good place to to kind of um move on. That's a good segue to to our next segment.

Marie Destinee a La Grandeur: 39:35

So so we spoke about three different pillars of healing. We spoke about mental wellness and therapy. We spoke about spirituality and we spoke about justice, because justice provides closure right To the victim. They know that they don't have to look over their shoulder, because as long as you have to look over your shoulder because you think someone's following you or you think you're not safe, that actually hinders your healing. So what does real healing look like? The most effective healing happens when therapy helps you. You have therapy that will help you process the trauma and heal. You have the spiritual support that helps you reconnect right by restoring meaning and soul connection. And you have justice systems and authoritative figures and even communities that help you feel safe by holding perpetrators accountable In my case, my community in general, not necessarily saying where I my community, where I live, but just like my community, whether it be my virtual community or whatever, like I don't believe, at least to the best of my knowledge and what I've witnessed so far and what I've experienced, I don't see anyone holding the perpetrators accountable.

Marie Destinee a La Grandeur: 41:09

I see people partaking in the harassment. I see people partaking in these social media challenges. I see people taking in the subliminal harassment, taking in the subliminal harassment. I see people taking part in, you know, following me because they got a tip that I'm at this store or I'm at this location, so then they come and pretend to be shopping or they send someone to buy an item you know, so that, um, it can cause some sort of trigger and so, you know, a community as a whole, um, I don't think I've seen or experienced anyone to say that, oh, you know what this is wrong. I'm going to report this on this individual's behalf because, you know, no one should be subject to this, where their information is not not only has been leaked, but is constantly being leaked.

Marie Destinee a La Grandeur: 42:06

Right, there's, you know, all these things that that you know is going on in my situation, which which I've gone through in other episodes. So you know, if you're new to the podcast, you know, start with episode one to kind of hear some of the things that I've experienced thus far. I haven't, like, I haven't done a deep dive into, like my experiences yet and what I'm going through, but I have provided examples of what I've experienced, you know, as a targeted individual and someone that has been cyber stalked and harassed and that is still being cyber stalked and harassed on a daily basis, morning, noon and night. So, with that being said, you know we see here that integration is key. It's neither you know, it's not either, or it's it's all, it's all the above, it's, it's it's therapy, it's spiritual support, it's you know, it's the justice system and or authoritative figures and communities basically holding perpetrators accountable. And so this integrated approach honors the full humanity of the victim, right?

Marie Destinee a La Grandeur: 43:31

So if you're healing from trauma, I think the question that you should ask yourself is am I getting support in these three areas my mental, spiritual and systemic? Am I getting support in these three areas my mental, spiritual and systemic? And if not, maybe it's time to demand more from your community, from your institutions, from yourself. And that's what I'm doing by merely starting this podcast docu-series and being vocal about my experience. Right, I've done everything else. I've gone to the authorities and things like that. That was a first step, that was the traditional route.

Marie Destinee a La Grandeur: 44:07

Now I am telling my story, I'm using this as my platform to vocalize what I'm experiencing and even if one person listens, one person hears my story, that's a start and you know, I think eventually, you know, the word will get out, what I'm experiencing will get out and it will get to the right ears and to the right people. Um, that could actually help me in, uh, you know what, in my current circumstance. So again, thank you, thank you for listening. Um, you know, I, I just, I just want to say I want to close with this Um, healing isn't linear, it's not tidy, it's messy and it's definitely not one size fits all, right, so my experience and what I need for my healing journey may look very different from someone else, right?

Marie Destinee a La Grandeur: 45:08

So when we stop looking for shortcuts and start honoring the full humanity of survivors, I think healing becomes possible. And so that's, you know, that's the key here, right? What makes healing possible is to basically honoring the full humanity of the survivor and basically looking at it from a holistic perspective and integrating three components, the three components that I mentioned the mental, the spiritual and the systemic aspects. So thank you for being here, thank you for listening. Um, spread the word. Um. If this episode resonated with you, share it. Um, start a conversation, and if you have a story or a reflection, I'd love to hear it. Um, until next time, stay grounded, stay brave and stay home. Stay grounded, stay brave and stay home. Um, so, again, this is the Dire-Rie of a Sane Black Woman with Marie, your host. All right, see you next time. Bye.