The Dire-Rie of a Sane Black Woman
Ever felt like your darkest fears of being watched were actually true? Marie's powerful documentation pulls back the curtain on life as a targeted individual—where privacy becomes fiction and safety an illusion.
Marie begins her raw, unfiltered account by describing how traditional authorities—police, FBI, employers, and school officials etc.—have failed her, offering therapy referrals instead of protection. "To me, that's just a nice way of saying you're crazy," she explains, highlighting the profound isolation that comes when systems designed for protection become another form of gaslighting.
The Dire-Rie of a Sane Black Woman
Car Trunk Surveillance & Vitamin Spies
Have you ever been accused of exactly what someone else was doing to you? That surreal moment when your harasser points the finger at you, leaving you stunned and questioning your own reality?
The psychological warfare of modern harassment operates in shadows, with perpetrators employing sophisticated manipulation tactics designed to isolate, confuse, and silence victims. In this candid and revealing episode, I share a recent encounter that perfectly demonstrates DARVO—Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender—a classic manipulation technique where abusers transform themselves into victims while casting the actual victim as the aggressor.
When I noticed an SUV parked outside my home with its engine running for over 30 minutes, I recognized the familiar signs of surveillance and data extraction. What followed was a textbook example of gaslighting: after civilly checking what was happening, I was confronted by a white-presenting male who suggested I should "not be okay inside my house" rather than standing outside my own home. The racial dynamics, power imbalance, and sheer audacity of this interaction exemplify the multi-layered nature of harassment many marginalized people face daily.
Through this episode, I unpack the various forms of harassment—from cyberstalking to subliminal psychological tactics—and explain how seemingly small incidents accumulate into significant trauma. As I describe it, it's like being bitten by "a thousand mosquitoes every day"—each bite might seem minor in isolation, but the collective impact is devastating. For anyone experiencing similar situations, this episode offers validation, terminology to help identify what's happening, and a reminder that documentation is your most powerful tool against those who would gaslight you into silence.
Join me in breaking the silence around these experiences. Your story matters, your perception is valid, and you don't have to face this alone. Together, we can expose these tactics and reclaim our power from those who would manipulate and control through fear.
Hey, welcome back to the Diary of a Sane Black Woman. I'm Marie, and I hope you all had a fabulous weekend. I wanted to first open this episode in prayer, just want to make sure that I have God's covering. So let's pray this episode. I dedicate this platform. I dedicate this work to you, father. May you have your way in me. May you protect my work, my voice, my diary, lord God, the experiences that I'm sharing here. May you protect my family and every listener, father, may you open doors that no man can shut. And may you send helpers, father, destiny helpers, legal, spiritual and technical helpers, father, and let this series bring truth, healing and change. Father, though I am not perfect, I know I'm forgiven through the blood of Jesus. Father, you are my vindicator. I know that the battle is not mine, but it's yours. So I release everything to you, lord God, to your hands, your capable hands, and I pray that this may be the beginning of something great. That, lord God, that what the enemy meant for bad, you will turn into good, in Jesus's mighty name. So I wanted to pick up from where I left off in episode six, where I discussed the different types of harassment that exist. If you haven't listened to that episode. I encourage you to go back and listen to it in its entirety, because I do take a deep dive looking at the different types of harassment that can exist, whether you're dealing with cyber stalking or in-person stalking. I also had some heartfelt moments in that episode, so it's definitely worth listening to. With that being said, I'm going to do a quick recap on a few terms prior to jumping into the experience that I had last week with gaslighting, victim blaming and DARVO.
Marie Destinee a La Grandeur:And now, that's just one example, but the abuse is nonstop. So let's start off with stalking. The generic term for stalking is basically it's persistent, unwanted attention that causes fear, and it often includes following, monitoring or observing, or obsessive contact. Cyberstalking is the digital surveillance, the obsessive monitoring and online harassment. Often it is harder to escape and more invasive. Also, it's sometimes harder to prove. Now, cyber stalking as a weaponized form of surveillance can include monitoring and extraction, which includes the gathering of your data to either control, intimidate, manipulate or, you know, run a smear campaign, shame you, block opportunities, things of that nature. And then one of the things that one of the and one of the segments that I went into in episode six was that I discussed how these tactics can work together Right, and so within the digital stalking and regular stalking, you also have different forms of harassment and abuse, and within that category you have something that's called gaslighting, and I'm sure by now everyone has heard the term.
Marie Destinee a La Grandeur:But in that episode I also go into the historical definition and how that came about, so forth and so on. So again, I definitely encourage you to go back and listen to that episode. But essentially, what gaslighting is? It is used to deny abuse and make the victims question their sanity. So, again, the gaslighting is used to deny abuse and make victims question their sanity. And then it's common in emotional, psychological or cyber abuse. And then victim blaming is basically shifting responsibility onto the victim and it reinforces silence and shame. And so DARVO is, I would say is a perfect example of victim blaming. And DARVO is an acronym, would say is a perfect example of victim blaming. And DARVO is an acronym. And essentially what that stands for is where the perpetrator uses a manipulative tactic to first deny the abuse. So again, that's a form of gaslighting. Then they attack the victim's credibility, which is victim blaming. Then they attack the victim's credibility, which is victim blaming, and then, last but not least, the perpetrator reverses the roles to appear as the victim. So basically there's a switch in roles victim versus offender, and so that's DARPA Starvo.
Marie Destinee a La Grandeur:Now, now that I've provided a recap, I think you have enough information that I can actually jump into the experience that I had last week Wednesday and, you know, kind of walk you through my experience. So I don't know where to start because so much has been going on and everything is really jumbled in my mind right now and also because sometimes you try to block things out, right, but in any event, last week, wednesday, which was September 10th, I believe it was early afternoon, I don't remember the exact time, but there was a car I would say it's more like a SUV parked in front of my house and the trunk of the SUV was opened and it was running. It was running for quite some time, which is unusual, right, typically, when um, that happens to me, that is, uh, a red flag, um, something is going on, something is off, especially in my situation, when I know, um, you know the perpetrators are surveilling or trying to extract information. One of the tactics they use is basically turning their car on because somehow, some way, that actually um provides them the power they need and it enables them to tap into my network. So, um, there was a woman, um, I not sure what her ethnicity is or what she identifies, as I would say that she looks mixed. She could be black, if she identifies as black, or a woman of color I'm not sure what she identifies as, I'm not sure what she identifies as, but in any event, she was in front of, uh, not directly in front of my apartment, maybe, um two, um parking spots removed, but close enough, right, she was about. She was right by one of my windows. So still in front of my apartment, not my door. So still in front of my apartment, not my door. Um, that being said, I I, you know went outside. Um, I didn't go outside all the way, I just kind of opened the door to see who was, you know, running their car and, um, I noticed there was um, a woman that I spoke to last week that was doing the same thing, that typically never parks there, um, and I said, oh, I was like, oh, I thought you were moving, and she said, oh, yeah, we were moving. Um, this is the last of the things that we had. So, mind you, last week, she said she was moving and, um, she said that the reason why, um, she was parked there was because, um, because her husband was walking the dog, so forth and so on. But then she lives all the way on the other side of the complex Right. So, ok, make it make sense.
Marie Destinee a La Grandeur:Has been, you know, often, you know, goes back and forth walking and, um, he goes um. Behind my unit where there is, um, you know, there's a gym like a mini gym, and then there's also some type of recreation room so you can use it as whatever. So sometimes people that are trying to monitor, sometimes they go to the gym to do that, um, because then that gives them some sort of proximity, but also, um, I guess, um, they feel like they can hide in there, um, so, yeah, so, um, yeah, I've noticed him, you know, walking back and forth a few times, um, but in any event, uh, I said to her, oh, to her, okay, so then I just went back in, I went back in the house and then I was just like whatever, and but then I noticed that her car was running for a really long time. Typically, um, you know, people that are running their car, especially if I come out, typically they'll drive away, or they'll run it for a few minutes and then drive away, but it was running, for no exaggeration, maybe for like 30 minutes and she wasn't doing anything. I didn't see them moving anything. She said they were moving. Mind you, they live on the other side.
Marie Destinee a La Grandeur:So common sense would tell me that you would want to park as close as possible to your unit if you're moving, not as far as possible. So, unsure why? Well, I mean, I know why she parked where she parked, but you know, playing, quote unquote, devil's advocate, I don't want to say devil's advocate as a Christian, but you know, um, just giving her the benefit of the doubt, right? Um, she was just like basically standing there and, um, she had her trunk open. And so there, um, the trunk was open.
Marie Destinee a La Grandeur:But again there comes the subliminal harassment, right, so there are things that are strategically placed in her truck, um, to basically subliminally harass me paper towels, things of that nature. Um, whatever else was there. I didn't really. You know, sometimes I try to shield myself from that stuff and I just kind of took a quick look and then I was just like, okay, whatever. So then, when I realized that the car was running for quite some time, mind you. Okay, let me just kind of reverse, because I was very cordial, okay, I just wanna mention that when I peeked my head out my door, I was like oh, hi, and I was just like, oh, I thought you were moving. She was like, okay, no, um, we are, but you know, this is the last of the things, okay, and I was like oh, okay, and I was like, well, you know, um, I wish you good luck and everything and whatever. And she was like, oh, thank you, and that was that. So now, fast forward.
Marie Destinee a La Grandeur:Like 20 minutes later, 25 minutes later, I go back out and I still see the car running. So I know that they're downloading information. It's like so obvious, right, they're extracting data, whatever it is that they're doing. So then I go around, I come out my house, I go around to kind of see what's going on, um, from the front side, because the car was back into the parking lot, not, she wasn't facing um, you know my unit. So, um, I see she has vitamins. Okay, pun intended, that's another subliminal tactic. Um, I take my multi-vitamins, I have a lot of vitamins in my cabinet. So, again, that's just kind of like psychological um, manipulation, psychological, uh, harassment, to let me know that. Okay, I know what you have in your cabinet or whatever you know, whatever it may be, um. So then, um, I go around and I look and I see her. And then, you know, I make my way back into my house. And as I'm making my way back into my house, I mean I don't say anything to her at that point, right, I just go around to kind of see what's going on and I see her messing around with like some vitamins or whatever. I don't know if they were vitamins or like actual medication, what have you.
Marie Destinee a La Grandeur:So I make my way back into my unit and as I'm making my way back into my unit, I see this man. He appears to be white, so I'm going to say that he's white, and then he, as he's walking closer, he basically asked me oh, is everything okay? As I'm walking back into my unit, and you know, and I was like I said actually no. And he, at that point he was like well, why don't you not be okay inside your house? And I was like well, you know, I have a right to stand in front of my house. Like how dare you Imagine that right? Like especially of my house? Like how dare you imagine that? Right, like um especially, I mean, look um, race I? I, regardless of what people say, oh, don't play, play the race card and things like that. But race is a factor here. Okay, a race is a factor. Ok, a race is a factor.
Marie Destinee a La Grandeur:Imagine that this white male, or white appearing male, is telling me to go back into my house and I'm standing in front of my house and you're parked in front of my house and you're extracting data why don't you stop? Um, harassing my wife? And I said excuse me. I said um, I said actually you're the one that's subliminally harassing me. And, um, and then he basically started staring me down. Um, I was at my door and he was like by the car where him and his wife were parked, and he was basically staring me down and I said am I supposed to be scared? Like, why are you staring at me like that? Is that like, what is that supposed to do? Um? So then, um, I did not budge, and then, you know, he, uh, ultimately went back, I guess, to his unit or whatever he was doing, and his wife was still running the car.
Marie Destinee a La Grandeur:Now, um, that's my example of Darvo and um, victim blaming, shifting the blame. They know why they were there. They know that they were there to one, extract information. Two, subliminally harass me, and that is not the first time that they've done that right, last week, right, or the week before last, because, remember, I asked her. I said, oh, I thought you were moving. She parked there and then, okay, like you're in your community complex, your house is right there. I think if you want to breastfeed, you would probably go inside your house and breastfeed. Um, but she was actually.
Marie Destinee a La Grandeur:It was also another form of subliminal harassment and I would call it also sexual harassment, because that is pun intended for, basically, pornography and pornography descriptions or videos. So that was an additional form of harassment. At that point last week, I did not say anything to her, and I didn't even say anything to her the week, uh, last, two weeks ago. Rather, I didn't say anything to her, I just ignored her. And I didn't say anything to her on September 10th, but her husband basically, um, because I decided to walk out to see what was going on, he said that I was harassing his wife, and so that's, ladies and gentlemen, that is gaslighting 101 and Darvo, perfect example of that, and so that's kind of like the things that happens, the subliminal harassment.
Marie Destinee a La Grandeur:People will leave things um you know, around, um just to kind of uh, you know, trigger me or you know, for their fun. Maybe it's a, it's part of a challenge that they're doing on social media. I mean, I don't even really follow um the things that they're doing. I'm not on social media Um, so like, maybe once in a blue I'll probably see a few things and um you know, it'll just come across my feed or um I'll see something is trending and then I'll kind of know that, okay, this is, you know, it pertains to me, um, but you know, that's essentially the story. That's what happened. That was my example of of um darvo victim blaming and gaslighting.
Marie Destinee a La Grandeur:Essentially, these two people, these two individuals, a couple um the husband and wife, wanted to um not only extract my data, stalk me in person, um and um and um cyber, uh hack me, whether they're not, you know, doing it directly. They're just um utilizing um a vulnerability or exploiting a vulnerability. They're still um accessing my information because it's just like um opening someone's mail, right, um, just because the mail is there, it doesn't mean that you take it. It's just like opening someone's mail, right, just because the mail is there doesn't mean that you take it. It's not yours. So they were basically exploiting a vulnerability and on top of that they were subliminally harassing me. And also I noticed that once I got my cameras people started acting up even more. So you have a lot of jokers. I'll call them they. You know they walk around um one one neighbor, um, uh, he basically went, he bought a balloon. Um then, uh, he came out with his little toddler, had a racket I guess that's for pickleball pun intended.
Marie Destinee a La Grandeur:So these things are not isolated things. Someone that's listening to this might say, oh my God, like why are you making a big deal about this? This is nothing. But you have to look at things like in its entirety. And it's not just the isolated instances or the isolated incidents, it's just like the bigger picture and what I go through every single day.
Marie Destinee a La Grandeur:And I remember in my old um, at my old job, there was like some type of I don't know get together that basically was exploring race and things of that nature, racial divides, and so someone came in and she was talking about microaggressions but also like different things that can happen. And people might say, well, why are you making a big deal about it. And she said well, the perfect example that I could give is imagine that you have like a thousand insects biting you every single day, even though the insect one is like a tiny insect, right, or let's say it's a mosquito or whatever, even if it's just one mosquito, but if you have a thousand mosquitoes biting you every single day, that the the impact is going to be a lot. So, um, that's kind of like, yeah, I have some ankle biters, I have a lot of people coming at me, but I have a lot of people coming at me, but I have a lot of people coming at me different, in different ways, um, in different directions. And, um, yeah, one subliminal message or, um, you know form of harassment, multiplied by however many you know, because it's not only happening in the community complex, but it's happening online, it's happening when I go out, it's happening everywhere I go.
Marie Destinee a La Grandeur:So, um, that's kind of like where, where we're at, look, this is me documenting, um, my experience, um, and I just wanted to share this with you because that's what happened last week. I was going to record it. Last week when it happened, I wanted to kind of cool down a little bit, and then a few other things happened and so I kind of held off, but I did want to share this one example I don't want to highlight, like these people, because I feel like um, as I'm speaking about this, they feel emboldened and they, they, you know, they, they, they do more, but, um, I, I think it's important for me to call them out and, um, calling them out is the first step. There will be other things that I'll be doing, um, as time goes on. So, um, just kind of like, I guess, if you want to say that is just kind of like a heads up, like, you know, um, you want to play stupid games, you'll get stupid prizes. Um, so that is my um, darvo slash guy. Uh, gaslighting experience. Um, let me know what you think. Um, I'm happy to uh, you know, if anyone has any feedback, anyone has any resources that they can recommend, um, or if anyone is going through the same situation or similar um, I would be happy to connect Um. I will see you in the next episode. Thank you for listening to The Dire-Rie of a Sane Black Woman, and that's dire D I-R-E-R-I-E diary it's a play on the word diary. All right, I'll see you all soon.
Marie Destinee a La Grandeur:I just wanted to say that before I end this episode, before someone tries to put words in my mouth or tries to twist my experience, I definitely don't have anything with moms or mothers breastfeeding in public. But in my situation, especially because, um, you know, obviously my information has been hacked and my information is out there Um, that is one of the things that has been basically infiltrating my algorithm, basically breastfeeding watermelons, um, subliminally harassing me, um, and so that's that. I'll get into, uh, the breastfeeding and the other stuff in another episode. I'll leave it for another episode, but, trust me, this is it has nothing to do with a mother, um, you know, it has nothing to do with a mother, um, you know, breastfeeding. Look, um, I'm fine with that. It's just the fact that she was doing it subliminally to harass me, all right, um. Well, thanks again for listening. I will be back soon, all right, bye.